Andy's rockin'; Matt's chuggin' Maalox?

By BERRY CRAIG

AFT Local 1360

Poor bilious Bevin. He’s been bookended by beloved Beshears.

Gov. Steve, Gov. Matt's predecessor, earned a ton of kudos for creating Kynect, one of the most successful state health insurance exchanges that operated under the Affordable Care Act. More than 355,000 Kentuckians who didn’t have insurance signed up, and the state uninsured rate tumbled from 20.4 to 6 percent.

Ex-Gov. Matt, the I've-got-mine-and-I-don't-care millionaire, killed Kynect, "not because it wasn’t working, but because it was working too well," Tom Eblen wrote in the Lexington Herald-Leader.

Gov. Andy, Gov. Steve's son, is collecting a pile of plaudits for his cool, calm, collected—and decidedly un-Trumpian—leadership in the coronavirus pandemic. He's also becoming a social media rock star. More on that in a minute.

Anyway, earlier this month, Ever Trumper Bevin couldn't resist tweeting, Trumplethinskin-like, that the killer global pandemic is no big deal:

"BREAKING NEWS:

"Chicken Little has just confirmed that the sky IS indeed falling...

"Everyone is advised to take cover immediately and to bring lots of toilet paper with them when they do so."

For the umpteenth time, Bevin, as we say in western Kentucky, "let his mouth overload his you-know-what." (Okay, we don't say "you know what.")

WAVE TV posted some rejoinders on its website:

"@donohuelee: If Corona virus was a campaign donor in search of a pardon you’d surely believe it.

"@inthesedeserts: Matt you should prove it by going to Italy and licking as many handrails as possible

"@BTardust: Hold on while I sift through my camera roll to find Memes that I used to post when you were somebody.

"@cjuk33: Well we tried your prayer rocks but I don’t think they’re working.

"@emeyerson: 6.6% fatality rate in Italy, but keep making jokes, chief."

So far, the coronavirus has claimed the lives of at least five  Kentuckians; almost 200 cases have been identified statewide, according to the Herald-Leader. All told, nearly 54,000 people in all 50 states, the District of Columbia and three U.S. territories, have tested positive for the disease, and more than 700 patients have died, according to the New York Times.

Meanwhile, my friend and fellow Graves countian Holly Erwin sent me an email with a slew of memes from residents of other states offering trades for our governor or proposing annexation to Kentucky.

Here’s a sampling: 

-- “Hey Kentucky!! Indiana will give you IU, Purdue, the Indy 500 and Mike Pence for Gov Andy!"

-- “Southern Indiana is fashioning legislation to formally merge with Kentucky. We are calling it ANDYANNA! #Beshear2020"

-- “Tennessee is now offering Dolly Parton, Pigeon Forge, and Gatlinberg [sic] for Andy Beshear”.

-- “Virginia is now offering the beaches, the Blue Ridge Mountains, and Monticello for Andy Beshear!”

-- “Ohio is offering Michigan.”

-- “Missouri would officially like to offer the Gateway Arch, super bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs, and one gooey butter cake as a trade for Andy Beshear.”

At the same time, “New Yorkers are now offering the Statue of Liberty & Hamilton tickets for Andy Beshear”. Not to be outdone, Alabamans will swap the Crimson Tide football team “US Space Center and Gulf Shores for" our governor.

The Tar Heel state is prepared to barter the “Hornets and UNC and all our tobacco farms. And we will force retire Coach K, for Andy Beshear”.

Georgia is "Willing to Trade Anything at this Point.”

The Sunshine state proffered “lifetime season passes to Disney World and newly acquired Tampa Bay QB Tom Brady for Beshear.”

Mississippi explained, "We don't wanna take him from y'all. We just want to be part of kentucky as well. #merger"

Nevada is set to swap “the Bunny Ranch, Wayne Newton, and the actual Horseshoe from Jack Binioins for Andy Beshear!”

And finally, from Down Under, an Aussie tweeted, “I’m not even 100% sure what Kentucky is but I know that I love Andy Beshear".

Thankfully, the virus has missed Matt, though he's suffered from the mullygrubs since last Nov. 3. Word's out that he's now down with tummy troubles triggered by a bad case of Beshear Envy and that he's binging on Maalox milkshakes with Pepto Bismol chasers.